Grooming

I told Resa this story earlier, but I think it's good enough to repeat.

Let's start with our cast of characters. All are straight males. J is in his mid-20s, blonde and lanky with a booming voice, a bit of the class clown type. He's an instigator. S is in his late 30s or 40s, is more understated, has a very dry sense of humor. M is in his mid to late 50s, is a quiet but very present presence and likes to poke people. Not physically, mind you, but in that "I'm not touching you" sort of way. He's in charge of the place.

Monday, the office had some reception to honor business leaders after work that these three were going to. A little after 5, J pulls out a toothbrush and toothpaste and asks if the others are almost ready to go. He's going to brush his teeth.

M pokes his head out of his office. "You're going to brush your teeth? I'm going to brush my teeth, too!"

J gets a little flustered. It seems that he doesn't want to share the bathroom with someone else during this very personal moment. "That's so not fair!" he says. "I totally got my toothbrush out first."

But M is not deterred. He walks out of his office holding toothpaste and a toothbrush.

Then S looks up. "Hey, are you guys going to brush your teeth?"

They say yes, but J reiterates that he wants to brush his teeth alone, without company. Is S going to brush his teeth, too?

S says no. He pulls a razor from his desk drawer. "I just hate being stubbly at these things," he says.

At this point, it took everything I had not to fall out of my chair laughing. Another co-worker, C, who is J's roommate, started digging into him about having a toothbrush at his desk. J was honestly horrified. "You mean, you don't brush your teeth after lunch? What if you have an interview? What if someone smells your breath?"

C responded that the people he talked to weren't important enough that they couldn't deal with a little lunch breath.

In the end, M and S went to the bathroom together to brush and shave. J went into the breakroom, where he could tend to his teeth undisturbed.